Shopping Spree! ­ Articles ­ the bombsite

Well for reasons I won’t go into here I happened to find myself with a nice little chunk of cash in my back pocket. All bills paid and up-to-date so it’s that lovely stuff I don’t see too much of – spending money – yeah!

Around lunch-time, after my son had been and gone from his usual, more-or-less daily visit (he works in town and pops in for a cuppa during his lunch-break) I got myself ready. I had to change out of the shorts I’m currently wearing around the apartment in case I got arrested and put some jeans and my deckies on. No boots today. Way to hot and heavy for this weather. Then I stride off to town.

I don’t know if it’s just my age or what but it seems to me that when the hot weather arrives girls seem to strip off. I know you tend to wear less to keep cool but with girls it seems to be getting less and less. I’m sure if there were no law against it some of them would quite happily walk around naked. Anyway when I get to town there is so much skin on view it’s a bit like walking through a sauna. No really! You don’t know which way to turn. Not that I’m complaining you understand but jeez! You could get a walking orgasm!

Anyway, mind on business, off to Argos. Now this might seem like a weird kind of thing to really want but I’ve had my eye on a new phone for about 6 months. No! Not a mobile. One of those old-fashioned things that plug into a socket. Oh come on. You must remember land-line phones. Well whatever, this particular one does SMS amongst a host of other stuff which means I can take my mobile (yes I do have one) and drop it in the bin (so then I won’t have one. Yay!). Apart from that it has a 100 number memory, call waiting, extended 1471 and ring back. It looks good too and at £30 I’m having one.

Then it’s into SupaDrug for my pretty stuff. Moisturiser, face scrub and cleanser. Whilst I’m looking at this stuff I see a £25 price tag which catches my eye. I’m thinking what on earth costs that much in men’s toiletries. Anti-fucking-ageing cream is what costs that much! I thought for a moment that I was looking at the wrong shelf but no, definitely for men! And anti-wrinkle cream as well. I thought I was unusual but that just takes the biscuit, it really does especially at stupid women’s prices. (That’s the prices not the women though if they are buying it….) Oh well, if they can afford it let them waste their money. Maybe they should read my article on wet-shaving. It’s definitely cheaper and it definitely works.

Then off to BHS. Yes it’s time to replenish my underwear draw. Into the shop I go and head straight for the escalator. Have you ever noticed how these bigger stores hide the men’s department upstairs? Well when I get to the top I find they’ve moved the bloody thing downstairs. Novel idea methinks but before I retrace my steps I spot the restuarant sign and decide to do lunch. Did I mention it was a reasonably large chunk of cash? Haven’t done lunch for a while so I’m enjoying a bit of waitress service with the odd sir thrown in. And back downstairs to find a pifflingly small men’s department totally lacking in any underwear I wouldn’t be embarrassed to be caught with my trousers down in. Oh well.

I decide to go to Peacocks instead as it’s half-way home anyway, and I find exactly what I want and some nice sports-type socks as well. I suppose I could have gone there first but then I wouldn’t have done lunch would I? Hell, I’m out and about and enjoying my little spending spree. Those little luxuries just make your day don’t they?

It’s now 11pm, dark and still bloody hot! The phone is installed and I’ve rung BT to have the SMS facility switched on. Should be sometime tomorrow. I’ve put all my numbers into the memory and I’ve even called my daughter to ask her to call me back just so that I could hear what my new phone sounds like. Ahhhh. Sad eh? Once the SMS service is available my mobile will be consigned to the rubbish bin. Unless you want it of course. Free to a good home.