Mixed Thoughts | Articles | the bombsite

I’ve been a bit busy this week but that hasn’t stopped me hearing about lots of stupidity, just writing about it, but now it’s Sunday I thought I’d better give all of you some stuff to think about.

The Home Office are massaging the crime figures again but this behaviour also filters down to local forces. It appears that the Nottinghamshire police force no longer records people going to hospital with gun-shot wounds as victims of shootings. Of course they aren’t. They are stupid people who ran into stationary bullets very quickly. Idiots.

And whilst we are talking about police forces it seems there are a few out there who are supplementing their petrol with cooking oil. Very commendable say I. Very green. There is a bit of a side-effect though. Apparently the exhaust fumes smell a bit like a chip shop. Well go figure. Who would have expected that eh? So, all you criminals out there, have a good Sunday and if you can smell the chippie, run like shit!

It’s the London Marathon today. A great event methinks but the organisers are hoping that it will help to boost London’s bid for the 2012 Olympics. I’m not and I’m not alone. I have no problem with bringing the Olympics to this country. It’s about time. The last time we had it here was only because some other country backed out, and despite the extremely short notice we made a bloody good job of it too. But not London. It’s the worst place it could be. Just like the new National Football Stadium. Oh I know they went through all the motions of looking elsewhere but it was all for show. It had already been decided that it was going to be on the Wembley site. Why? Because it’s in London and everything has to be there.

When the NEC was built, up here, and London lost the Motor Show what did they do? Invented another motor show to replace it. They just can’t abide to loose anything, they are so selfish. They think they are the bees knees and the cultural centre of the country. I might have mentioned that before. The NEC was built up here because somebody actually thought about it properly and wasn’t swayed by insular southern thinking. It is accessible to everyone and has air, rail and road access that London can only dream about. The National Football Stadium should be here and so should the Olympics. There’s plenty of space so there are no excuses, and we would make visitors welcome, something London isn’t capable of.

The Midlands, which used to be Mercia, is the birthplace of Englishness and is still it’s centre unlike the Frenchified south. It’s no wonder we despise them so much when they waste thousands of millions of pounds, maybe even true billions, on a tunnel to connect them to the mother country. And can we go straight down by train to the tunnel? No! We have to go via London and get on a snail-train. It’s actually quicker to drive to the coast and catch a bloody ferry. Stupid eh?

And whilst we are on the English subject, tomorrow sees the start of that comic opera known as “Let’s Elect a New Pope”. If my memory serves me correctly the last English Pope was back around the 11th century so I think it’s time we had another go. Not much chance of that really but you never know. The Pope is supposed to be God’s representative on Earth. Thing is though that he’s elected by a bunch of men in silly frocks behind closed doors playing at “cowboys and indians” and sending up smoke signals. Despite the silly frocks no women are involved. Can’t be having that now can we? As you ladies should have learned by now, women and religion don’t mix. The only thing religion does for women is control them. Why don’t you do something about it?

I’ve always thought that John Prescott was a tad thick, both mentally and physically. You will all know about his plan to build hundreds of thousands of new homes for all you nutters who insist on owning your own. It would seem though that there are certain areas, one that comes to mind being Liverpool, where he is going to demolish some 400,000 houses. Why? Well to build more houses of course! What other reason could there be? I don’t know about you but I happen to believe that houses that were built more than 40 years ago are a damn sight better than the ones they build today. I don’t know if you can remember this but they used to use bricks back then. It would be far better financially to have these old houses renovated. The people that live in them now could continue to do so without being uprooted and stuck somewhere they don’t want to be. Apart from that these old houses would outlast anything they build today. You building companies out there have a lot to answer for.

Little boxes, little boxes, little boxes made of ticky-tacky

That’s exactly what a modern house is made of. Shite!

The government have ear-marked $300,000,000 to help all those who are about to loose their jobs with the closure of Rover now that the Chinese have done a quick disappearing act. The first thing that bothers me about that is that we are told how many dollars it is. Have we suddenly changed our currency? I wasn’t told about it. You would think they would ask me first. Not satisfied with bastardising the billion we now have a new currency to contend with. More seriously though, why has all this money been allocated? When I lost my job nobody came up with any funds to help me. Further, it appears that some £400,000,000 (yes pounds) has gone missing from the accounts over the few years that these jerk-off directors have been mis-managing the company. I think the ex-employees would be better served if the thieving bastards were taken to court and had the money extracted from them in painful ways. Red-hot pokers and arse-holes come to mind. Then the opposition parties go on about how the government should have stepped in to save the last remaining British motor manufacturer. No they shouldn’t! If a company is going down the drain it should go down the drain. End of story. And let me remind everyone that Britain is the home of the TVR and Marcos. Two of the finest sports cars in the world bar none. You could get a couple of TVRs for the price of that German junk I see all over the place and as for Ferrari. Well I love them but I could get 4 or 5 TVRs for the price of one of those and turn just as many heads. A little lesson in economics for you there.

And finally. Well done Paula! I’ll say no more.